Is There a Four Letter Word for "Functional"?

“You’re functional, right?” he said. “What?” “Functional”. I just looked at him. This doctor who had written a book about knees, Who was supposed to help mine. Functional! Sure it functions and so do I. I can walk and do most everyday things. I guess that’s functional to an average couch potato. But I was a marathoner. 28 finished … a few more not quite. I was a hiker – Mt. Washington and some of the other White Mountains. I skied (poorly). And tap danced (sort of). And never turned down an assignment because it was physically taxing.
Functional! A knee in this state is not my idea of functional!
Oh but he must have looked at my birth date. Old. Not worth saving. Perfectly functional for someone her age; what does she expect anyhow? She’s just another knee replacement candidate. Functional indeed.
Well damn-dumb-doctor-with-your-10-minutes-for-nearly-$400-no-insurance-accepted -- “functional” isn’t good enough for me. How dare you throw me away like your trash with a word like “functional”?
I have more energy than you do; I learn more new information each day; I drive a racing car at 50 on the 25 mph curves. I function all right. Like someone half my age. And you want to take all that away from me and lump me in with fat old ladies who are “functional” if they can get themselves a cup of tea without spilling it.
How dare you!
Ok. I’m a journalist. Let’s try to be fair. You didn’t actually say it. You just implied that because I’m not 25 or 35 my knee -- and I – don’t matter. But once before – when I was just 40 and struggling with my first major athletic catastrophe – another doctor did say it. Bluntly. “You’re over 40”, he intoned. “You don’t need that ACL. You’re never going to be an athlete.” Only the fact that I was interviewing him in the studio of a major radio network kept me from decking the man. And I have often wished I could find him again so I could take all my 28 marathon medals – and all the others from various shorter road races – and swing them – all together – hard. Against his thick head.
Functional indeed.